A note on my inspiration

I was an Arabic major for two years before I realized that I didn't speak Arabic. When this realization struck me, I decided that if I were to graduate from my rockbound highland home, I would need to change to a major that was taught in a language I already speak. I decided on English, or more specifically, Arts, Philosophy, and Literature. While it may not be immediately evident how an Arts, Philosophy, and Literature major is more specific than an English major, I can assure the readers of this blog that I will never tell you. Furthermore, if you read this for any other reason than 1) You are my family, 2) you are a friend, or 3) you are stalking me, please understand that very little of my writing will make any sense.
If I gained anything from my time as an APL major, it was a refinement of my skill in procrastination and an ability to write B or A- work about books I'd never read. One of the reason I chose APL over History was because I thought that the books I would read for an APL major were more likely to have better Spark/Cliff notes than the history texts. This was probably very true, though by relying heavily on those notes, I missed the best part about my literature focus. Occasionally, the books our professors assigned were very funny, or very moving, or moving in the direction of very funny. Upon graduation, I decided to keep and begin reading some of the books that I was supposed to have read in my classes, and so far (yes, this is an ongoing experience, interrupted frequently by mind-numbing exercises like video games, which are designed to strip the brain of anything not necessary to perform basic life functions and move thumbs) I am pleased with my professors' choices. My favorite book thus far is Joseph Heller's Catch-22. Having attended a military academy and witnessed my own portion of war, I find the tragically comedic situations in which Heller's characters find themselves so like my experiences that I must label Catch-22 the most authentic war story ever written.
Of course, I haven't read every war story ever written, but who has? Not you, so my opinion is just as good as yours.
If you haven't read Heller's masterpiece, please do so rather than reading my blog. It is a far better work. If you have a pulse, you will likely laugh out loud (not LOL. I hate LOL. I hate ROTFL. I hate LMAO. I also hate clowns) whilst reading it (I do like whilst. And bugger. And bullocks. And parenthesis). Reading Catch-22 will not only help you understand my attempted style, it will also... I don't know what it will do, but it's friggin' hilarious, and you should read it. Good Omens is another stellar read, and seeing as I have read that book twice since I last read Catch-22 you'll likely find bits of that book influencing my writing as well.
Furthermore, a note for my family. Portions of my writing will contain foul language. I would love to edit it out, but if I attempt to describe the verbal exchanges of men in an infantry battalion with "Well, foo foo on you, poopy-head," I'm afraid that any attempt at authenticity will be lost. I'm so sorry. Please understand that every time I write a naughty word, I am actually thinking a much kinder word in my head. Like puppies. Or bunny rabbits. Or pumpkin pie. Or poopy diaper.